His favorite drug
by ShiningTear
Summary: Everyone knows that what is forbidden, is always most intoxicating. Royai.
1. His favorite drug

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or get any money from writing this.

A/N: So…This is something I wrote when I was sick and bored. I hope you like it. It is Roy-centered. I hope the idea isn't used, if it is, sorry. It is hard to think when you have fever.

**His favorite drug**

He's always been curious. He always wanted to know what was behind a closed door, what the things were made of, what was happening away from his eyes. That was probably one of the reasons he became an alchemist. After all, alchemists were looking for knowledge of this world.

That was also the reason why it had started. His obsession. He was so damn curious…he felt like chuckling, his aunty had always warned him that he would get his nose into things too big for him to handle, if he continued to be so curious. And look where he was now.

Yes, it was part of the reason, but not the whole story.

See, he always wanted something he couldn't have. And as many, he too knew that the forbidden fruit was always the tastiest. Forbidden was always the most intoxicating.

And that combination had always been the reason. 'Cause _Her _name is the synonym for forbidden. He has absolutely no rights to her. He is always separated from her. There is that thick, thick blue in between.

But it doesn't matter to him. Nothing can get him forget the addiction of his. God knows he has tried. But it has been so for so many years, that he has turned the addiction a part of his personality. No one can see the Flame without the smoke. When he just thinks he's gotten out of it, then all that he needs is a simple reminder of her, like hearing her voice and he's hooked again.

The things that mostly mesmerize him in her, they are the most simple things of all. First there is her scent. She smells like gunpowder and some sweet flowery scent, that you almost can't smell, but what is there still. He can smell it when she stands behind her. It is always those two torturing steps that keep them away from each other. Sometimes it feels that she is so close that he dies, sometimes he would give anything to get her closer, since she is so far.

Then there are her eyes. He has always loved her eyes. Their color is so special, dark amber and they are surprisingly soft and big, standing out from the creamy skin of her face. Those eyes have a calming effect on him and over the years he has realized that staring into her eyes helps his nerves more than something like alcohol ever will. Her eyes have also seen what his have, more misery than such young person should have seen, but even if her eyes are killer's eyes, he won't look them as those, he sees eyes of the savior.

There is also her smile. She has the most wonderful smile he has ever seen. She doesn't smile often, but when she does, then her usual stoic features turn softer and there is light twinkling in the corner of her eyes. Her smile is a drug for him, it sends him up.

So yes, even the smallest details in her make him intoxicated. And that is unacceptable. That's why he has tried many substitutes. Women, alcohol…but what can he do but admit that not even the finest whiskey tastes as good as a bittersweet kiss from her and those girls, no matter that they are often blondes with brown eyes, they never make him feel the same. Their hands are always too soft, their voices too girly and they are too fragile. They can never understand his pain or his dreams.

He can't stand staying away and it makes him feel guilty, but he also knows that this is a slow game and he is not the only player. She too acts her part and he knows that she is better at it, since she doesn't think she can cure herself out of it.

That is why he does it. He dangers them both. He repeats the same play, lets their weaknesses over come them. It is another late night in the office. He has almost finished his paperwork and she has been ready with her own a long time ago. She never leaves before him, she always waits. Everyone else thinks she is his babysitter. He doesn't care.

He signs the last documents and stands up quietly.

"I think it is a time to call it a night, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir."

She nods her blonde head and moves to his desk to get finished papers. He follows her every movement. He gets her jacket for her from rack and waits for her to come to the door. He helps the jacket on her and their game starts. He leans little closer, so that he can inhale her scent and he is sure she can smell his cologne too.

"Lieutenant…"

He whispers, his voice low and smooth. She already has her jacket on, but she is still standing close and now she leans backwards, just little and Roy can feel that she almost touches him now, the warmth radiating from her, making him crazy.

"Yes, sir?"

"Can I walk you home?"

She is silent for awhile, they both know why. Tiny part inside him is screaming to her: Refuse! But the game is too hard to resist.

"Yes, yes you can, Colonel."

They walk through the streets; it is quiet; after all it is a middle of the night. He walks close to her, there are no two steps between them, darkness forgives that to them, it is not like the hard daylight that would betray them to everyone. Her hand brushes his with every step she takes, sending shivers through him.

They finally get to her house and she opens her door. He should leave now. Her eyes stare at him, maybe just five seconds, but it feels like minutes. He is trapped. She looks thoughtful when she opens her mouth.

"Would you like to come in? It is cold; I could fix us some tea before you leave."

Her eyes are burning, but her voice shows nothing else than friendliness to her superior. He knows she wishes he says no, but he also knows that even more she wishes he says yes. And how could he refuse?

"That would be nice."

And she smiles, there's something bittersweet in her smile. She takes his hand and pulls him inside her house. Then, when he tries to get his shoes of and bends down, she captures his lips.

That night they don't have tea. He doesn't leave before five am. Before he leaves he promises to her: We can end this. They both know it's a lie, but it is such a sweet lie that maybe it could be true? It is, until next time. They are too deep in this game of sinful temptations, need, self-deception and worst of all, love. Neither one wanted this to be like this, the game is too cruel, but it is their entire fault and it's too late to stop now.

So he leaves still feeling her golden hair around his fingers, her scent all over him, those hands running all over. It will be enough for awhile, and then he will have to spend time with his favorite drug again.

A/N: Yes…that was…well I hope you enjoyed it. I am not quite happy with the end, but…it's ok, i guess. Please review, but no flames, let's save those for Mustang.


	2. The game is on again

A/N: So, I decided to try and make another chapter for this story, since many people seemed to like the first one. I hope you will review and tell me if you want me to really make this story a longer one, or if I should just leave this as a two-shot. I hope you enjoy and thanks for **RoseDoll Alchemist, SamAzoth42, Saekobusujima, dandoune, snakebite3 **and** hawkeyeflame1921 **who reviewed the first chapter. I really appreciated your support.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA; I only play with the characters a little. I don't get any money from writing this either.

**Chapter two: The game is on again**

He wakes up early in the morning, his alarm clock ringing too loudly in his ears. He doesn't want to get up yet, it feels like he just fell down in his bed two minutes ago. Well, the feeling is not _that_ far from the truth, as the clock shows six thirty in the morning and he got home nearly two hours ago. Two minutes, two hours, what's the big difference; he thinks.

However, even when he is tired, he has to get up and get himself cleaned up for the work. It is Friday today, so it doesn't matter if he didn't get his beauty sleep last night, he can sleep the entire tomorrow. And even if he couldn't, he wouldn't have let the opportunity like last night slip away from his fingers. He is ready to give up his sleep anytime just to watch into those gorgeous pools of liquid amber as long as he did last night.

He slowly walks to the bathroom and starts his morning rituals. He notices the bluish circles under his eyes as he is shaving his cheeks. And also, just under his chin, a tiny little mark blackening his skin. The collar of his shirt will probably hide it and if it doesn't…well he is known as the ladies man. No one will ask, except the boys from the office. He can tell them a story about the charming blonde he happened to meet and no one will know the truth. He smiles quietly at his secret.

He takes no hurry at the breakfast table; there isn't a soul that actually expects _him_, the lazy, arrogant, and too-young-to-be-a-colonel-Mustang to be at work in time. Besides, it's fun to see _her_ reaction when he appears. He just loves to know that she has been waiting for him. Just loves to see her face take that irritated expression and know that it hasn't changed at all from the one she used to give to him when they were young and he teased her about her shortness.

So he takes the slow way to the headquarters and stops for a moment to admire the flowers old lady is selling from a cart. His eyes shortly flicker towards the violets, _her_ favorite ones and he wonders if he should buy some, to send a bouquet to the office from "anonymous admirer to his queen", just to see her eyes soften for a second before her face twisting, her ordering Fuery to get rid of the flowers and pointing her gun gracefully towards laughing Havoc's head. He would so enjoy it. He loves to play little games with her.

Finally, he reaches the headquarters and walks quickly to the office, trying to look like he had actually been in great hurry, getting few amused looks from the soldiers standing in the hall.

"Mustang is in it again, I see."

"That guy never is early, I wonder how he has survived alive working with Lieutenant Hawkeye, her guns frighten me."

"Yeah, well I guess she wouldn't just shoot her superior you know. Though I truly wonder how he actually got her to be a part of his team…"

Mustang smirked at the comments. How wrong they all were…and how good thing that was. It really didn't pay to let anyone else know that Hawkeye had the permission to shoot him anytime she wanted. Or that actually, he wouldn't mind no matter what she wanted to do to him, as long as his sweet drug would not leave him alone with his addiction.

And talking about her… He was staring at a shining gun that was pointing towards his forehead, held by a most delicate (though a little dry) hand.

"Colonel…"

Her tone was almost silky, reminding him from the last night, before turning into cold steel.

"You're late again, Sir. I thought you understood last time."

"Well, maybe you should _punish_ me."

He winked and heard Breda and Havoc sniggering behind her back. Then, there it was, the _face_.

"You have a meeting in ten minutes. There is a file for you to read before it. Hurry, Colonel, or you will get a punishment, but not from me, from higher-ups instead."

"Yes, yes Lieutenant. I'll do it."

He mutters and walks to his desk. Hawkeye gives him a file, full of information about the subject of meeting; a weapon delivery from Xing. He gets a cup of coffee from Hawkeye and flashes her grateful smile. She knows he can't truly wake up without it. So he sips his coffee and tries to read as quickly as he can before the ten minutes have passed and he has to go.

"Sir, just in case you want to know, I have memorized the file."

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

He can always trust her. He doesn't know if he ever could survive without her support. He is quite sure he would get withdrawal symptoms.

They sit in the long table with the other colonels of Central and their subordinates and hold a conversation about the safety considering the delivery to the HQ. She reluctantly agreed to sit beside him instead of standing behind him, where she could see the room better. Well, actually he had to make it an order, but the important part is that now she sits beside him.

He slowly moves his foot to touch her shining black boot, starting the game. She doesn't like to risk their careers by acting touchy in the public, so they have perfected this game of hidden meanings and touches, which are never quite enough to let anyone else know, but still make their blood boil from the weird excitement of getting caught. That will never happen, he will make sure of it, but he still enjoys the game.

She gives him a paper about Xingese men who will bring the delivery and makes sure that her hand brushes his fingertips gently, keeping her face stoic. For a fading second there is a shine in her amber eyes, then it's gone and she takes her hand away.

He is happy he isn't the only one playing the game.

A/N: I personally liked the first chapter better, but this one was fun to write too. Not very much happening there, but still…I hope you all review and tell what you thought, but please no flames. And I warn you, the next possible update won't come really soon, since I'll be at England for nearly whole July and can't take my laptop with me. But well, that leaves you more time to review, right : )


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